March 2, 2001

Monica,

I was thinking about a teaching I heard recently. The man was talking about the judgment of believers You as I probably don’t worry a whole lot about that. It is so wonderful to just have the epignosis that we will be eternally with Jesus because he’s a better Shepherd than the legalists seem to believe.

However, Jesus and Paul both did talk about rewards in heaven and positions in heaven. In 1 Corinthians 3:12-15, Paul talks about saints who just barely make it into heaven with no reward other than being there. [I know that seems like enough reward, but there is more.] He says that our works will be tested by fire, which is a reference to the purifying work of the Holy Spirit and is figurative. He says some works will be judged to be gold, some silver, and some precious stones. The other works just won’t make it as things from wood, hay, or straw would be burned up in a fire. Gold is best, of course. I put that together with one of my favorite Bible verses, Matthew 11:30. Gold always symbolized God in the Bible, so I believe that what comes through the works judgment as gold is what the Holy Spirit simply does through yielded vessels with no flesh getting in the way. The silver and gem works must be some combination of what the Holy Spirit and we do together--the things we know he is telling us to do but yet are not light and easy.

We know when we are flowing in pure gold works because, as Jesus said, when we are yoked to him, the yoke is easy and the burden is light. If we are doing what he is telling us to do but laboring, it is not the pure gold variety of works.

I can point to one nice big area of my life that is pure gold based on the fact that it was so wonderfully light and easy. That was the call to be a father to Monica and Nehm. People compliment me on how wonderful my kids are, and I tell them I had little to do with it; God raised them. But people always think I am trying to be modest. I was called to be a father. I was even told about Monica before she was born. I confessed that she was a girl long before she was born because Father had told me she was. Revelation concerning Nehm came late, and now I know why. I have promises about him now, but I was told nothing about him ahead of time as I was told about Monica.

When I was called to be a father, he told me I had to do two basic things, and he would do the rest. I had to stay with the kids--just be there. And I was instructed to obey Deuteronomy 6:7, which in modern application means talk about Jesus in a natural way in our everyday lives. That is all I did. For Jesus’ sake, for the sake of Monica and Nehm, and to my blessing, God kept me "there."

The most trying part for me was trusting God as I disciplined Nehm. It was painful, but in the end Father rewarded me for trusting him. I probably needed to learn something about Father by feeling the pain required to administer hard love with affection. I mentioned that I got promises concerning Nehm late but for Monica they came early. I see now that Father did that because Monica was going to be raised by God and by God’s grace in me, and I wasn’t even going to be in a position to fail. But with Nehm I now see that if I had refused to administer discipline in faith and with affection even though it hurt me and made me doubt my leading at times, Nehm would have had a harder time coming into what Father has for him.

Last summer, I told Father many times that his love is hard. It was hellish for me for at least nine weeks. But I know that he showed me that a Father has to love with hard love sometimes. I was flooded with affection and encouragement through the whole crucible.

I did not intend to get off on so much about my experience as a father, but it is an example of the Holy Spirit doing all the work and granting his grace in my weakness.

Love,

Dad